Priorities

I have an audition at Case-Western Reserve University this weekend and I should really be practicing! Instead, I bought a purse and have been watching things on YouTube. Go me, I'm a winner.

But, let's talk about priorities:

School just isn't one anymore. Nope. I have a boyfriend, job, and collegiate stuff to do. Why on Earth would I put doing my Lit homework above that? I mean, I do it and usually turn it in on time, but does it get the sort of love and devotion my boyfriend gets? Hell no. Unless it's on Shakespeare, in which case Technicolor Boy must leave me alone so that I can spend some personal time with my first true love. But, aside from that, I just can't take my classes that seriously anymore.

You guys. The dreaded senioritis. It has finally set in.

All my GHS stuff, I grudgingly prioritize (kinda, sometimes) because I really need to graduate in order to make the college plans work, but anything else regarding the schools I have spent the last four years of my life in no longer seems to be all that important or even interesting anymore. My classes are engaging, thank Jesus Christ almighty, but they are not awakening any kind of passion or excitement. I feel so burnt out on high school.

Social stuff is so blahhh. No one else my age (within current proximity) is living outside of their own house, working, or is applying to big-name schools, let alone Ivy league ones. All of my school friends freak out about Tumblr and One Direction and Ed Sheeran and I'm over here like "I love The Who! Omg Rush! Let's listen to Pink Floyd!" I got a Twitter, but I only have like 50 followers because I am not a fan of tweeting random, meaningless bits of Tumblr advice.

My school friends are really sweet, but I am so much closer with my college friends and friends from my old high school that I barely get to see anymore.

Literally the only thing keeping me from dropping off the face of the planet is Technicolor Boy, who motivates me to get my work done and wakes me up early even though he doesn't have to so that I can make it to school.

I am just sooooooo ready for the higher education chapter of my life to begin. Gah.

Julia

Tentative

SO. I confronted Technicolor Boy about his selfish behavior. He did not take it well, there was much "oh then I guess you're soooo much better than me" and "oh then go date someone with more money than me" but I dropped a few personal verbal bombs that silenced him instantaneously. He almost cried, but now I feel like he's contributing a lot more.

He bought me a new dress and a heart shaped box of chocolates and has been bringing me dinner every night. I've told him that he doesn't need to constantly buy me things, that all I want from him is a little appreciation and the occasional unprecedented act of niceness, but I think he is starting to understand how imbalanced our relationship had become and he is trying to even things out a bit.

I don't know how long this will last. Tentatively, I feel as though my emotional poking has been an effective solution, but only time will tell if he is actually caring more or if this is going to be cyclic thing where he cares a lot and then gradually stops until I get mad at him. I don't know, we'll see.

Either way, I saw The Who live with him yesterday. If you're friends with me on Facebook, you probably saw my emotional outbursts via status, but if not, they were basically along the lines of HOLY SHIT PETE TOWNSHEND ROGER DALTREY OMFG ALL MY FAVORITE SONGS LIVE I AM SEEING LIVING LEGENDS AND AAAAAA

I fucking love The Who. The best moment of the night was when they played "Won't Get Fooled Again" and Roger did the (now meme-ified due to its use as the CSI: Miami theme) YEAAAAAAAAH right at the end. I felt the power. But seeing literally every song that I love by them played live was amazing. Shows like that make me want to be a rock star.


As for Valentine's Day, I'll only get to spend the night before and the early morning with my boyfriend, which sucks, because I have class and then work that day, and instead of going home to Technicolor Boy afterwards, I have to go to my parent's house and prepare to get on an airplane to California at like five in the morning.

I am finding it very hard to be excited about going to compete in speech and debate at Berkeley because I am exhausted and really want nothing more right now than to just cuddle with my boyfriend and his cat forever. I know I always bitch about going on trips; I'll most definitely perk up once I'm at the airport and am surrounded by my friends.

Blahhh.

Julia

Oh Shit, Valentine's Day

This is coming from my phone, so it's going to be one massive vlock of text. Sorry, this is my only source of internet and I'm desparate.  Also, sorry for the likely gratuitous spelling errors in advance, editing is hard on a tiny touch screen.  Anyway. Dearest bloggers, help, I need advice, stat. Male readers, your input especially, because I feel as though I may have too much of a one-sided perspective on this. I am having boyfriend issues, and with the dreaded V Day looming on the horizon, I'd rather not single-ify myself impulsively. So, help! Here is my side: I do a lot of stuff for Technicolor Boy. I drive a long way to stay with him every night, I buy him a lot of food and nice things and concert tickets, and he always says he'll pay me back, but instead he spends his paychecks buying more things for himself. I know he collects expensive statue yhingies, but literally every oaycheck goes to his collection and other things for hinself. He never buys anything for me unless I ask. Then, today, we were supposed to have a date night after ny Stanford interview, with a sushi dinner and then a movie. Before we went to dinner, he insisted on going to a store to scope out things he wanted to save up for, but ended up vuying a lot of stuff for himself. When I pointed out somethibg I wanted, he was all "that's cite" so I had to buy it myself even though he easily could have just bought the tiny thing for me. He oayed for dinner, but he was practically silent the whole time and, frankly, acted like a little bitch when one of ourdishes came out and refused to eat it. He kept up the interchanging silence/douchebag roytibe for the duration of dinner. By the end of it, I decided to nix the movie and just call it a night. I looked at our cute sushi chef helplessly, and it got me thinking, why do I even bother? I do so much for this boy and I smile and hang out with hin and do things he wants to do, but when it comes to doing things that I want to do, he acts like he hates it and can't wait for it to end. He never buys me nice things unless he feels like he owes me, and I know material objects are not the be-all-end-all, but I feel as though his lack of material gratification for me is a manifestation of his appreciation for ne. I feel very taken for granted when I am so in love and do so much for him. It's not enough to just hug me when I'm sad and bring me free food from his work. I want him to at least fake a smile for me when I bring him with me to do something that jist I want to do. I feel like I should jist know better than to expect any kind of consideration from him that he doesn't feel obligayed to provide because he is, by nature, selfish. I can usually handle it, but nights like tonoght are just too much for me to ignore. Our day that was supposed to be nice and romantic has ended in a fight and hostile silence. I love him so much, but is this worth all of my time, money, and effort? Am I just expecting too much? Should I shut up and take what I can get? I have almost a year invested in this boy; do I keep going and try fix things and balance the scales, or just cut my losses before college? Help. Please. I don't know what to do. Thanks. Julia.

Not a Vlog...

This isn't a vlog. Sorry! Really, this blog is one of the only things I've been legitimately committed to lately and I feel bad not following through with a promise, or even posting that often... But it's coming. Someday. I've been trying to find time to make one that's nice and all edited and stuff, but I am busy as a motherfucker and am finding it terribly difficult to find much time for anything, so please be patient a little.

So, here's the latest for those of you who don't stalk me religiously on Facebook or Twitter:
-Got interviewed by Columbia University in NYC, which went nicely.
-Got contacted by Harvard for an interview; we'll see how that goes.
-Going to Berkeley for a debate competition in a few weeks.
-Going to Case-Western Reserve University in Cleveland to audition for theater scholarships two days after I get back from Berkeley.
-Approaching ten whole months of uninterrupted monogamy with Technicolor Boy (whom I live with most of the time now)
-Working all the time.
-Seeing The Who in concert in two weeks.
-Got another tattoo, this one's a small anchor on my right side ribs.
-Dyed my hair back to brown (it was purple...)
-Helping Technicolor Boy move into a new house, leaving the old roommates behind, and getting used to the huge new space. His cat is not pleased.

And that's basically it for now. I promise I'll be back soon to write about worthwhile shit.


Julia