Oh Dear Dear Dear

I'm sorry, does it look like I care?

Fill me up with little lies.

My life is full of random shit.
I only stay busy so I can stay distracted.

I think that filling up your life with things to do can keep a person sane even in the most psychotic times.
I know that's what works for me.
Because right now, at the slightest, most insignificant little thing, I could break down
a tiny little frustration could be the straw that makes the load too heavy to bear.

I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a pool,
and I know I'm going to have to touch the water sooner or later
but if someone pushes me in,
it'll make the experience instantly negative.

I know exactly what's bothering me,
but I'm going to not confront it for as long as possible
because I don't have to be vulnerable
and if I ever let my emotions take control who knows what I'll say?

So I'm going to stay busy and carry on.
I'll go to school everyday and get distracted from what I know is gnawing at my insides
I'll put on a smile for cheer, and for dance, and for my friends
I'm going to stay busy and not give myself too much time to think because I know
at the slightest little accident,
I just might unravel

So I'm going to stay busy and carry on.

Funny talkers

I've noticed the speech patterns of some of my friends, like the rhythm of their talking, and the way they put sentences together, and how sometimes they pronouce words oddly. I'm a nerd XP But my friend Jenn always nothinc instead of nothing, and my friend Steve always speaks slowly and calmly even when he's making a joke or something, and that I myself never put the g at the end of words that end in ing, and it's not like I say "runnin" its more of "runneen".
I notice the differences between different accents too, like people from different parts of Mexico, it's really noticable with people from different parts of Britain, and I notice with people from different parts of Irael, but that's only cuz I phone my family there like twice a week.
ohhkayy see this what happens when I have nothing interesting to think about :P

Chester French, will you marry me?

I want summer so bad!

klasjdf;aksj

I have had a nice busy weekend so far, but no time to think :/ so now I'm lying on my bed trying to straighten out my mind while listening to Chester French playing softly over my iPod speakers.

Ohh summertime I want youuuu. I absolutely can't wait for school to be over and done with for this year. About a week after school ends, I'm going to China for 2 weeks. Then cheer camp. Yes I'm a cheerleader, don't judge me XD

But what I look forward to the most is the endless possibilty that some spontaneous awesome thing could happen, because things like that usually happen during the summer... And of course, I can't resist the fact that summer is the perfect time for cute little romances that I'll be sure to never forget :)

School, just end all ready!

Lightening

It's been a while since there's been a real storm, with lightening and thunder and downpour and all that jazz. But two days ago, there was one. It was pretty fantastic, there was like 3 inches of water on the roads and stuff.

The best part was listening to it, I love the sound of rain, and watching the sky get lit up every few minutes by another lightnening strike, then feeling the slight vibrations from the thunder. I was listening very quietly to my iPod when the storm first hit (I was driving through it at first) and the combonation of the music and watching the storm outside the car windows was so... serene? It was like even though it was incredibly scary to have to drive through the crazy weather, and there was a very good possibility that we could've died, when I just stared out the window into rainy oblivion it kind of turned off the world for a while.

It was nice.

When we finally got home, I lay on my bed and listened until I fell asleep. There's something so pure about a storm, like that feeling of clarity you get after you've cried really hard. It's just awesome.

grocerybagtv

Oh how I love Mars Argo.

Dear Ex,

I don’t know what I did, I don’t know how I hurt you or even if I hurt you, and I don’t know why you’re acting like this. I know you don’t want to talk, I understand that maybe it’s too soon. When I sent you that Facebook message, that was me trying to extend the olive branch so that we could at least be civil to each other. But this, this isn’t civility.

You can’t even look at me. You won’t look at me even when I stand right next to you, or in front of you. I wasn’t trying to address you, but the least you could do is look at me. But instead you just silently walked straight away. Is it too much for me to stand within a 5-foot radius of you? Can you even stand being in the same room with me for more then a minute or two? Can you not talk to our mutual friends just because I’m having a conversation with them?

That isn’t even what hurts. What hurts is that now, to you I’m non-existent. What hurts is that too you, I’m not a human being, I don’t have feelings, I don’t care. What hurts is that you can’t even look at me and you make me feel like I’m part of the wall behind me. You make me want to disappear.

No, we probably won’t date again. I don’t want to date again. But can’t we at least be buds? At the bare minimum civil? This isn’t civil. I’d almost prefer for you to go out of your way to try to hurt me or get back at me, or something because then I’d know at least you care. But this? Ignoring me to the point where I feel so invisible that it hurts? And believe me, it hurts. This isn’t what I wanted for us.

Talk to me, I don’t care what you say. Tell me you hate me and never want to see me again, at least that way I’ll know. Maybe you don’t even have to say a word. Look at me. Look me straight in the eyes, even just for a second, and I’ll know how you feel. But please, please stop treating me like air you don’t want to breathe.

Just look at me.

-Jules

Do You Realize??

Ok. Boredom+iPod on shuffle=let's get to know Jules' taste in music a lil bit better.

Song 1) Do You Realize?? by The Flaming Lips

Yeah, I quite like this song... It reminds me of my dear buddy Darby. I happen to know that this is her favorite song above all else. Yeahhhh.

Song 2) Helter Skelter by The Beatles

Hell Yeah!! this is one of those fun-to-sing-really-lloudly-while-slightly-intoxicated songs. Looooooove it.

Song 3) Things That Rhyme With Orange by I Set My Friends On Fire

Hah. "I only want you to think I'm not perfect."

Song 4) Bruises by Chairlift

Ok, that changed the mood. This song is absolutely adorable, but i'm not really in an adorable so next

Song 5) Symphony #6 by Ludwig Van Beethoven

uhh no.

Song 6) Smile by Lily Allen

Oh, she's so cute and British!!

Song 7) Trouble by NeverShoutNever

sooooo cute..... and I'm not just talking about the lyrics ;)

Song 8) Sweet Darlin' by She and Him

My favorite song by them, but I can't listen to it without getting really down these days because it reminds me of my most recent ex...

Song 9) Time To Dance by Panic! At The Disco

Ok, not they're best song, but I still absolutely love thm! Seeing them in concert was seriously one of the better nights of my life.

Song 10) Resist by Rush

makes my cryyyy wahhh no more!! next

Song 11) Black Cat by Mayday Parade

I love it! Ahh, makes me think of the old days

Song 12) Bodies by Drowning Pool

Yes! Yes! the scream is so perfect in this song... it's not like, painful sounding, but it's not wussy either.

Song 13) My Immortal by Evanescence

I used to be obsessed with them in 6th grade. This is one of the songs I will always love just because it's so beautiful sounding

Song 14) Do You Want To by Franz Ferdinand

I love their sound... I don't know why, but they're one of my favorite bands to listen to at the moment.

Song 15) Rainbow Veins by Owl City

I was obsessed with Owl City last year. I still love this song, and I have some great artwork that I did that was inspired by this song hanging up in my room.

Song 16) Brass Monkey by the Beastie Boys

I love them!! 3 white Jewish rappers, pricelss.

Song 17) Lucky Today by Cloud Cult

This song is like, the theme song for the way I feel right now. It's spring and life is getting so much better

Song 18) Hallelujia by Paramore

This one really speaks to me, but it doesn't really apply to my life or anything. I've the lyrics written on my wall.

Song 19) Kill All Your Friends by My Chemical Romance

I love you Gerard!!

Song 20) Warm Me Up by The Audition

"Come closer to me baby, I've got everything you need to fill those hunger pains for tonight."

Song 21) Hang Me Up to Dry by the Cold War Kids

A song about laundry! but nnot really. this feels like a good place to stop :)

It's a Jew Thing

I'm Jewish, and it is very well known to all of my friends and classmates that I am a very proud Jew :) I joke about it, I am constantly clarifying misinterpretations of it, and I unfortunately do get crap about it all the freaking time. But oh well. Being Jewish is prety fantabulous!

I recently went to a youth group religious extraveganza and it was called NFTY (pronounced "nifty") and it was basically amazing. Well, due to this as well past religious and Hebrew education, I now have about 20 million songs in Hebrew stuck in my head. When I sing them to my friends, or randomly whenever, everyone's always like wtf?

So guys, IT'S A JEW THING!

We like to sing, we're a very musical people.

Habit?

Ok, there are some habits no one wants to keep, like procrastination, biting your nails, or blurting out song lyrics in the middle of history tests. But there are some good habits and I definitely think blogging is one of them. So why the hell did I forget to write for a week?? Gah! I mean seriously, that's ridiculous. Even though I only have 1 reader that I know about, I should probably keep posting on a consistent basis just in case someone else decides my stuff is worth reading.... hah.

4:20

Yes, today is 4/20 aka Hitler's b-day, the anneversary of the Columbine Massacre, and National Smoke a Blunt Day. So lets talk about each one of these things that make this date significant.

1) Hitler. On April 20, 1889, one of the world's most sadistic leaders was born. WWII, Holocaust, yada yada history class covers it all. He was a really fucked up dude. And even though he made really bad shit happen, his infamy will live on.

2) Columbine. Being from CO this one hits home. April 20, 1999 21 people were injured and 13 people died at a highschool not too far from mine. It sucks to remember, and memorials are always put up around the entire state for the dead, and now all we can do is hope nothing like this ever happens again.

3) Yep, Weed Day! Here in Hicktown, the celebration is limited to smoking a bowl or so before or after school. However in Boulder, which is known throughout the state as the bohemian-hippy-drug loving city, the festivities last all day and well into the night and life is gooooooood. Or so I hear.

I'm gonna be honest, I smoke the reefer on occasion, but today I was sober :) despite what I may have told certain people. One of my friends was rolling on extasy and seeing him like that kind of made me just not want to get high today.

I mean, I've done extasy before too, and it was interesting, but it's so horrible for your brain and it's expensive, and after seeing my friend as fucked up as he was, I honestly just don't want to do it again.

I wonder if British people celebrate 4/20 too, or if it's just an American thing.

Do old British buildings from the 70's have asbestos problems too?

Asbestos Appreciation Day

Well, who knew cancer-causing substances could bring such joy to a girl? Hahaha.

So in order to fully understand this bizarre insta-holiday, I must inform you that shortly before spring break began, Hicktown High started to get torn apart because there's some construction being done on like half the freaking school. Which everyone absolutely hated until a construction worker found some asbestos in a locker room :)

School was evaccuated at 1pm, so we got an extra hour of freedom, then there was no school today, and I have just been informed that there won't be school tomorrow either!! Not only does this mean that I get to miss 3 days of school, but due to a religious youth group camp thingy I was going to have to miss Thursday and Friday anyway. So all in all I have only had to go to 1 day of school this week, and that day got cut off an hour early. EPIC WIN.

:D

Scene Evolution?

Audrey Kitching is my hero!! She's gorgeous, daring, witty, driven, and will stop at nothing to get what she wants. But my favorite thing about her is that she was once this hyped-up mega scene queen, but has evolved into a high fashion up-and-coming designer and key voice in the industry. Although she still has her Buzznet, which I read religiously, she has basically moved on from the scene asthetic. I love it!! All the best role models should be morphic, becuase no one likes static characters :P

pictures: top is Audrey now, bottom is Audrey then

:/

Alright, so I promised myself I wouldn't do more than 1 post per day, but I just can't help myself. I was just reading my dear bud Cassi's blog (http://musicobsessedgurl15.blogspot.com/) and I noticed that she has several followers. Back In the day when I had my first few blogs, I had followers too, but since I'm just starting up again, I can't help but feel like I'm talking to myself.

I know that blogging is just spewing your thoughts out into the universe for anyone to find and read and maybe even care about, but the worst thing is that I don't even know if anyone is reading this! I wish I just knew how many hits this page gets... or how many people (if any) have actually paused long enough to read through its contents. Not there's a lot on here right now.... but it'll get better, I promise!

That slow part of the afternoon

It's that time again, you know what I mean, it's that few hours in the middle of the afternoon when you really just can't be bothered to do anything productive. It's procrastination's prime time. So what if you've got projects due tomorrow? Who cares if you really should be starting on those cornish hens you promised you'd make for dinner?

This is the time when you're bored as hell, but don't want to put in the effort to actually do something useful with your time. You've got that sort of "lazy ADD" where you want to do or see something interesting but your attention span reduces to that of a rodent on crack.

Ughhhhhh

Something Drastic

Lately I've been feeling like I want things to change, not so much in a political or life-altering way, but more of a mix-it-up-cuz-life's-so-redundant way. Usually when I feel like this, I tape something new and fantastic to my wall, or I wear crazy makeup, or buy a pair of new shoes, or bake a cake, or just do something simple that will make my life seem more exciting. But no, rearranging the furniture in my room just wasn't going to satisfy my need for a break in the monotony, so I decided to do something drastic: I bleached the crap out of my hair.

This is actually a process that's been going on for a while, as I first started lightening my hair around Xmas break, and I've been sort of a light brunette/redhead with splotchy bits of blonde, but today I bleached it once again, and then put some blonde dye in it and now I'm way more blonde. As my hair was super dark before, I'm not rocking the Gwen Steffani flawless platinum look yet, (I've still got a bit of a brassy tint going on) but I feel like my appearance is drastically different.

If I could, I'd totally follow the footsteps of my buddy Dayna, who dyes her hair all these magnificent colors. I'd totally try out the whole Audrey Kitching-bright pink tresses-look. But sadly, I have certain commitments to certain volunteer organizations that require my hair to be a color that occurs naturally on humans. Not that my almost platinum hair looks at all natural, but I don't think my superiors would find super fantstic blue hair "professional".

Still, having made this random change of my appearance, I feel like I can handle the boringness of Hicktown for a little while longer. Along with the added perks of a confidence boost and knowing that when I walk into school on Monday my friends will flip shit, being blonde is definitely exciting.

Oh wow, my first real post is about hairdye... this is gonna be one throught provoking blog, I can tell :P

No, really, I bet British kids have much more fun

Ah, blogging. The time honored tradition in which any bored person with an internet connection puts thier thoughts on parade and their faith into the other anonymous bored people with internet connections. Tis true, tis true, this is not my first blog. I first started bloggature in the sixth grade for a class project. I continued blogging right up until the beginning of eighth grade, but finally, the habit died and so did my online diary. But after one of my dear buddies told me she blogged, I figured Hey, why the hell not? and decided to give this whole blogging thing another shot.

But enough ancient history, let's get to point here, which is that I am a freshman at Hicktown High in Hicktown, Colorado, and I can quite honestly say that my deepest longing is to be British. Not necassarily English as I quite like Cardiff accents, but definitely British. I know it's kind of an odd thing to want, seeing as most people want a million dollars or world peace, but hey, we all have our own little quirky cravings.

See, my favorite authors are all British, and all of my favorite books take place in Great Britain, and personally, I think the best music, television, and pop art come from Britain as well. But by some horrible cosmic accident, I was born in America to a thuroughly American family. And my cliché American family live in a cliché small town in middle America. The absolute worst thing is that despite all the movies, shows, and songs concerning us "small-town girls", life in this particular small town just seems to become increasingly boring. I bet British kids have much more fun.