Sleeping On The Floor

Read any good books lately? I have! An Abundance of Katherines by John Green, The Prince by Nikolo Machiavelli, Tweak by Nic Scheff. Read them. NOW!

So I'm exhausted from school. God that sounded nerdy. No, I'm exhausted from walking down over crowded hallways 6 times a day. I'm exhausted from arguing with stupid teachers who have the intellectual capacities of ants. I'm exhausted from writing pointless reports about dead men who did nothing for our country (yeah, fuck you Millard Filmore). But most of all, I'm exhausted from having to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn to deal with all of it.

But enough complaining, it's only Tuesday.
How was your Tuesday?

Hanukkah starts tomorrow :) latkes and dreidels for me!

My friend who will be sleeping on my floor for the next week is currently filming me and laughing very hard. Ahh the wonders of being able to post from my phone.

Snap Crackle Pop (the sounds of happiness)
Julia

Endlessly Sighing

The way I executed this week of freedom was so that every odd day I'd be social, and hang out with someone, and every even day I'd enjoy the silcence and just have some time to myself. This strategy works pretty well for during-the-school-year breaks, I think, because I end up having a fairly equal amount of time spent relaxing and sorting out my thoughts, and time spent getting into shenanigans.

Unfortunately, I pulled an all-nighter reading last night (because Nitzche is just that fascinating), and spent all day sleeping, so now I'm probably not going to sleep at all tonight, and then I'm going to go school. It's going to be lovely in the most sarcastic sense of the word. Definitely not looking forward to the inevitable. Sighhh.

I've been doing a lot of that lately, sighing I mean, because this break has been so devoid of dramatic escapades with men that every time I remember something boy-related, I just sigh wistfully. I mean, I haven't gotten laid at all this week, it's tragic! (btw, Cassi, guess who finally decided to text me?) Besides that, something Agb said on our traipse around the university got me relapsing pretty hard on the I-miss-my-Ex memories. Again, sighhh.

But oh well, onwards and upwards.
(why is it that every I think of that phrase, it goes through my mind in a Belfast accent? weird much? Oh no wait, it's because Valentine says it in Mirrormask...)

I got new make up, I am very happy.


Tippity Tap Tap (the sound my fingernails make when I drum them on the keyboard)
Julia

PS: Nitzche had a pretty fantastic mustache.

Oh What The Hell.

I stole it from Kass, hope you don't mind darling, I'm addicted to these.

Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

1. I know you're much taller than me, but I think you give rather fantastic hugs, and someday I'd like to hear you sing.
2. YOU ARE SKINNY AND GORGEOUS. Now shut the fuck up.
3. I love you darling, honestly, I do, but you are so boring. How is it that every single guy in 11th grade is attracted to you??
4. Still in love with you. Yup. Been like 8 months now, probably won't ever stop. I ain't never gonna tell you though, because that's creepy and obsessive. But every time I go to Pearl St. I secretly hope I'll see you.
5. You need to make up you mind, decide what you want, you know? I won't just chill here in the backround forever, so choose please.
6. I act like we're tight because listening to you talk shit about every single person you know is rather entertaining. But I'm sick of you, and listening to you regale us all with your most recent sexcapades. Stop being a whore and go to college. Bitch.
7. I do not, nor have I ever liked you as anything more than a friend. Sorry bud.
8. You need to stop moaning about how horrible your life is all the time because it's not that bad and you're just dramatic. You really need to stop whining and suck it up, for real this time, don't just say you need to and then keep doing it.
9. Remember how it was before you and her got close again? Remember when you only had one best friend? Yeah, I miss that.
10. You are extremely attractive and I find it rather tragic that you live across the Atlantic ocean, because if I knew you in real life (and you weren't famous) we'd totally be dating.


Nine things about yourself.

1. I can sing like someone who can sing incredibly well.
2. I started swearing in the second grade.
3. I will never love a man as much as I love my iPod.
4. I am obsessed with make up.
5. I speak multiple languages, fluently even.
6. I think that Irish accents ae sexier than English ones, but English men are sexier than Irish ones.
7. I just so happen to be Jesus.
8. I preffer cupcakes to real cake.
9. I strongly dislike stupid people, especially when they are in positions of authority.


Eight ways to win your heart.

1. Be musically inept.
2. Have an advanced vocabulary.
3. Bring me daffodils, because roses are overrated and cliché.
4. Be able to pull off a feodora.
5. Know who Charlie Chaplin is.
6. Have the ability to dress well.
7. Be British.
8. Value maturity the way I do: not at all.

Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

1. "I have a future as a con artist. Bwahaha."
2. "I wonder what he's like in bed..."
3. "Who the fuck is calling me?"
4. "Stop talking to me in French, this is America, dammit! "
5. "Are my feathers straight?"
6. "Fuck Algebra."
7. "It is pronouced noo-klee-urr not noo-kyuh-lar. Speak with an eloquence, stupid."

Six people who mean a lot.

1. Cassi
2. Blonde
3. Hannah mmm
4. Mwb... as much as I hate to admit it...
5. Jackie
6. Lion Boy. Oh how I love him :)

Five turn-ons.

1. Eyes that are pretty.
2. Your hair had better be soft.
3. Insomnia
4. Ability to quote dead white men accurately and at random.
5. Humourous tendencies.


Four turn-offs.

1. Sensitivity, in any amount.
2. Addiction to anything but caffine or alcohol.
3. Lack of intelligence.
4. Inability to keep one's tongue to one's self.

Three things you wish you'd never done.

1. Kissed a certain someone in the back of a certain moving vehicle in front of an entire team of other certain people.
2. Developed a hatred of teachers.
3. Dyed my hair black and cut it myself in 8th grade. Yikes.


Two emoticons that describe your life right now.

1. /\___/\
.. ( o O )
.. (>< )o

^ it's a hamster...

2. (>^_^)>#

^ it's a dude with a waffle...

One confession.

I pretend like I care about your life problems, but 98% of the time, I really don't.

The Definition Of "Adventure"

Ahhh. I have officially recovered from my food coma from yesterday.

My Thanksgiving was spent at Blonde's, we all went to this schmancy restaurant. Lobster ravioli, glazed ham, slow roasted turkey, mashed potatoes with sausage gravy, blackened ahi tuna, stuffing that was legit orgasmic, and chocolate mousse that seriously almost stopped my heart it was so good. Yum fucking yum. I ate so much, I seriously felt comatose from the amount of calories coursing through my digestive system. Holiday: success!

So far, no other adventures.
By the way, I'd like to define "adventure". Here in Hicktown, where nothing happens except for lame street fairs and old people advertising vaccuum cleaners, "adventure" means *gasp* being out of Hicktown. In any way possible. Or doing anything remotely interesting, or possibly acting sufficiently delinquent-like. So you can take your magic carpet, flourescent animals, and epic dragon battles and shove them into any orifice you see fit ;) Though that may be a tad uncomfortable, I mean shoving flourescent anything anywhere isn't exactly an appetizing thought...

Also, Heaven smells like bubblegum and vanilla icing. Just so you know.


Moo (the sound cars should makes)
Julia

Singing To An Empty Room

I must admit I'm having a bit of a "One Song Glory" moment. I blame the book 'An Abundance of Katherines' by John Green. But I've been thinking a lot lately about how people are going to remember me, and if they're going to remember me. Not in a pessimistic nor suicidal way, just like this weird lingering curiosity.

Anyway, it's break. Yay! Have gone on two adventures so far.

The first was with Cassi, we went and got feathers in our hair in Boulder, then we went and terrorized Denver by eating all the good sushi and giggling maniacally as we walked/skipped down the16th Street Mall. I bought lip balm that smells like Heaven. Twas rather exciting.

The second adventure was yesterday, with Agb, wandering around the University of Colorado campus. It's a really pretty campus, and both of our parents worked there at one point or another, so we both knew our way around pretty well. We played on the playground at the elementary school, and I laughed whenever he got stuck in a slide or swing because he was too tall.

The walk around CU made me miss Ex a lot though. Apparently he sits behind Agb in their Chem class. Lovely.

I feel like singing.

Swingggg swinggg (the sound a swingset makes)
Julia

Not Supposed To Laugh

But I did anyway.
My week was basically a long string of situations like that, where something would bad would happen and I'd just burst into gleeful laughter. Seriously.

"Goddammit I didn't do anything wrong!" *bud storms off*
"..looks like someone's on their period"
"Oh, douche move dude."
*meanwhile, in the corner* me: "Bahahahahaha!!"

Death threats? Ha! Grandma died? Double Ha! I mean, this week has basically been the shittiest to date, but I can't help but realize that I spent most of it smiling at the stupidity of it all.

I cannot help myself, if I witness something bad but incredibly ironic, I just have to laugh at it.
Like, for instance, today I failed a math test (because the quadratic formula is conspiring against me), and I left the classroom grinning.

I think my brain has finally broken. I simply cannot be serious about bad things anymore. I refuse to let the shittiness of life interfere with my fun.
Side note: 'The Shittiness of Life' is a Hungarian indie film that I saw at a foreign film festival with my friend on Valentines Day. It's hilariously funny, and also incredibly depressing.

Anyway, broken brain aside, it's Thanksgiving break! No school for a week! Feathers with Cassi soon (not as kinky as it sounds) then seeing my favorite Blonde :)


Harty Har Har (the sound irony makes)
Julia

Hahaha shut up.

Ah, how lovely is the world the day before the day before break. Although this week has been hell, I'm rather relieved that next week holds the promise of free time and lots of calories.

Today the assistant debate coach was doing a joke debate and in his final speech claimed that the whole of western philosophy supported his views: that wrist watches are not obsolete.
Basically made my day.

One of my friends told me I was beautiful today. I said "Bahahaha shut up." Not because I didn't believe her, but because I knew she was only saying it so I'd give her one of my cookies. Fat chance babe, them cookies are mine!

Nom nom (the sound cookies make)
Julia

Fucked.

Not in the literal sense this time, honest.

So I haven't posted in a grand 5 days, which is while for me, and while I've been catching up on others' blogs, I've noticed a trend in the posting. A trend that goes along the lines of "I miss you, but I really don't want to."
And, well, here's my little ray of light to shed on the matter:
When it comes to looking at love in hindsight, we're all fucked. Absolutely fucked.

I mean, we've all got that one person who keeps popping in out of our heads and hearts and they're never in our lives when we want them to be, and never out of them when we need them to be. Our romance-weakened will-power allows us to go to them even when we know we shouldn't. At all. Because they're the last thing we need.

But they're the first thing we want.

You know, I want vodka right now, but I'm not shooting the Grey Goose because I know that I've got better things to do right now. I've also discovered that Skyy is much better. I mean I hate to use the vodka analogy here, but do you see what I'm getting at?

We can want and want and want and want, but as life moves forward (as it tends to do), what we want gradually gets farther and farther away from us. Wishing for the person to fall out of the sky and into our hearts yet again is like wishing for males to completely stop thinking about sex and videogames. It's just ain't gonna happen.

We know that the whole fantasy reunion scenario is only getting more and more unrealistic with each day that passes, and yet we still drift off to Everything-Works-Out-Right Land chasing a dude who was never really ours in the first place. All we can do is convice ourslves to stop chasing them.

We must, but we don't want to. And we humans tend to do what we want... so there we are.
Fucked.


Sighhh... (the sound you'll make when you immediately start thinking about your person after reading this)
Julia

"I Lost My Virginity To The Motherfucking Apocalypse."

I love that quote. It's from a Scott Westerfield book. Anyway, seeing as I am obviously not dead, grounded, or otherwise impaired, I shall now share the excitement of my evil master plan.

End results: 9 rules broken, 6 funny pictures, 2 creepsters following me down 16th street, and 1 V-Card termintation. Oh yes. It was an interesting night.

So I planned all of this out in my head on Tuesday night as sort of a Mission: Make life interesting. Basically the master plan was to sleep over at Mwb's in Denver then, the next day, go directly to Boulder to hang out with buds because it's Veteran's Day, and it's stupid that my district is the only one in the state to have school that day, so I just didn't want to go.

So it all went down like this:

Last night, I escaped from my house around 5 by lying to my parents, (1: Don't lie to your parents, especially about a 'friend' who urgently needs 'help') and caught the bus to Boulder with only a few dollars in my bag and no intention of coming home. I was getting seriously adrenanline-rushed by the time I got to Boulder. From there I caught the bus to Denver.

Then, because Mwb couldn't meet me at the bus station, I had to walk down the entirety of the 16th Street Mall, getting cat-called and wolf-whistled at the whole way, and ironically, loving it, so I kept flipping my hair in the wind cuz it brought on more noise (2:Don't egg on potential rapists). Enter Creepster #1, who said "Hey girl, you pretty. I like yo' hair, blondie. Girl get yo' fine ass over here." followed after a block or so by Creepster #2, who kissed at me like I was a puppy, then said "Mm, mmm mamacita. Do you drive? Hey blondie, don't be a hater. Girl keep walkin so I can watch you move." Disgusting.

So after taking yet another bus, I finally arrive in Mwb's neighborhood, where he meets me and we walk to his house. We chilled and talked and he found a balloon and sucked the helium out and sang to me, and it was funny. Then came the vodka and lemonade, which was surprisingly yummy (3: No underage drinking!), and more talking. We smoked some tea out of a pipe, which was also surprisingly yummy (4: Never smoke things out of a marijuana pipe, whether they are legal or not.) We talked about such random stuff, like zombies and guitars and French people.

And then came the makeing out, and I whispered something incredibly cheesy along the lines of "Take me, I'm yours" (5: Cheesy lines like that should only be spoken jokingly, and by boys.) . And then came the sex, which was pretty glorious, I must say (6: No sex! At all! Ever! Until you're at least 35!).

Later on, we went on a late-night 7-11 adventure (7: No going out after curfew, little missy.) to buy energy drinks and these spicy Mexican chips. When we got back, we watched 'Scott Pilgrim vs The World', or rather he did, because I fell asleep during the first five minutes, and later moved to his bed where I proceeded to sleep like a drunken baby.

In the morning, I was woken up by his cats. They're cute though, so I didn't mind. Later on he woke up and walked me to the bus stop, and I peaced out. I texted people and made fun of them for being in class (8: No playing hookie, only delinquents and anarchists do that.) The bus back to Boulder was funny, because I spent the entire time listening to an Asian man describe his love for Martha Stewart to his buddy.

Once in Boulder, I met up with my buds and went on an epic Jew-themed photo scavenger hunt on Pearl Street. Ah, the cupcakes and guys chasing pigeons and molesting statues and wearing funny hats and making constant "that's what she said jokes" (9: Don't cause public disturbances, however hilarious, with Jewish boys in Boulder.). We photographed people doing yoga in the middle of the street.

After eating some super amazing pizza, I caught a bus back to Hicktown, where I walked in the door, and my parents never suspected a thing.

MISSION MAKE LIFE INTERESTING: SUCCESS!

I know, I have done the unthinkable, an innocent 15 year old girl lying to her parents, losing her virginity to an older boy, skipping school, and not feeling one bit of shame about the whole thing. But hey, I needed a trip to the wild side.

My day has been the stuff of legend, comparible to the works of Ferris Bueller. This is one of those 'God must have been on your side, because there's no way it actually worked' type of instances. I'm unabashedly proud of myself for being able to pull this off without getting arrested, killed, or even yelled at by my parents. And on a school night, no less.

Hah! (the sound triumph over monotony makes)

Julia

Final Disclosure... Possibly.

Incase I die tonight, or get my computer usage permissions revoked, or anything else untimely happens, I'd like to say thanks for reading, and I love you guys :D

See, I have hatched a rather exciting plan for myself for tonight and tomorrow, but it will involve the breakage of many rules, and possibly laws, so I'll give details if I can. Peace!!

Pshooom (the noise rocket Jesus makes)
Julia

Fuck Everything, Especially You

It's been one of those days. One of those constantly frustrating, never ending, oh-dear-Lord-why-am-I-putting-up with-this-shit days. I'm not going to lie. I'm incredibly angry. At nothing, which is stupid, I know, but I can't help myself. I tried listening to music, I tried just lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling and breathing, I tried watching TV, and going to work, and nothing is helping.

I hate everything right now. I don't even have a good reason, I just do. But if you talked to me right now, I'd seem fine, because I'm just that good at bottling the shit up. I don't get visibly emotional, like, ever. But make no mistake. I'm in a baby-punching mood right now. My life has evaporated into schoolwork and bullshit and commitments to things I have no passion for anymore.

I'm in a dangerous state of mind right now. I fear nothing and I'm too willing to take risks just to piss people off because when I wind people up there's this twisted, liberated feel I get from it. And I'm so disconnected from my life, I honestly don't care. I'm past the point of emotional breakdowns involving vodka and razor blades, I'm into the phase of dropping an E and riding a train to Kentucky just to see what would happen.

blahh. Blogger, I don't know why I'm telling you all of this.

Cap Off The Evening With A Considerable Amount of Calories

First tournament today. I got third overall in my event, so nice shiny trophy for me :)
I loved being back in my nerdy little element. I really dug all the cute, smart, debate boys I got to meet today, yummy yummy. And it was nice to feel really confident in my ability to speak eloquently for once.

That's not to say that when the time for awards came I was freaking out, because I absolutely was. Holy. God. I almost went into cardiac arrest when they began going up the list of the highest ranking competitiors in my event. All I wanted was to rank top 6, get a ribbon, and call it good. Anything but the dreaded 'honorable mention' aka 'you came, you tried, you sucked'. But I placed top three, so life's good. Plus, I placed one above this snarky bitch who likes to sneer at me because she thinks she's better than me. Newsflash, bitch, I got a trophy, you didn't!
...Not that I'm competitive or anything...

Everyone on the debate team did really well, so we went to Red Robin to celebrate and to cap off the evening with a considerable amount of calories. The french fries there are the crowning glory of the Red Robin experience (fuck the menu). They season them and serve them with ranch dressing and it's basically a deep-fried orgasm waiting to happen. I swear I had three baskets of fries by myself.

Trophy. Calories. Countless new inside jokes. I'd definitely count today as a success.

Nyuck Nyuck. (the sound my friend Cory makes when he laughes)
Julia

Typing In The Dark

I'm having a day. I'm just so wrapped up in my own brain I can't seem to be productive. I'm doing weird things, like blogging in the dark, putting ketchup on my mac-and-cheese, and texting people I haven't talked to in ages. I have December by Norah Jones going through my head. It's a rather lovely song, you should listen to it.

What am I doing? I mean really, what am I doing typing in the dark? Why do I not care that this is neither benefitial nor life-changing? And why does mac-and-cheese with ketchup taste so good right now? I mean, really, mac-and-cheese and ketchup, that's kind of gross. But I can't lie, I'm diggin it.

I can't decide if I'm depessed or not. I'm not a generally sad person, like ever, but I can't really focus on anything right now. I kinda don't care about my homework or family or the people I'm texting. I guess I'm just super apathetic. Does extreme apathy count as depression?

I smell sex and candy.

whhrrr, whrrr. (The sound an overheating computer makes)
Julia

My brain is seriously about to explode in a blastorific paroxysm of legal-sounding words. Gahh!

Like Miss America, But Awkwarder

Note to self: never ditch the work uniform for a day just because you feel like it.
I went in yesterday in civilian clothes and took so
much crap from my buddies, I'll never make that mistake again. To add to their amusement, my hair was curled from when I let my friend go nuts on it earlier that day, and it looked really pretty, but beauty isn't exactly what they tend to go for at my work. I felt like a pageant girl or something, it was a little nauseating. I mean, it's really hard to be taken seriously when you look like Miss USA attacked you with a curling iron.. honest to God, I had this exchange with one of my commanding officers:

him- Uh, sergeant?
me- Yes sir?
him- Your hair--
me- I'm sorry sir, I had no time to--
him- Sergeant, I honestly didn't recognize you when you came in today, I had to do a double take. This is the first time I've ever seen you looking... eh what's the word I'm looking for...?
me- feminine?
him- yeah!

So yeah, next time, I'm showing up in my manly and unflattering uniform with my hair back as usual.

Also!
I discovered today that Stanley Kubrick is basically the best filmmaker in the history of the universe (excluding Andy Warhol of course, but who cares about artsy porn anyway) because his last film is now my new favorite: Fullmetal Jacket. I mean, the Shining and A Clockwork Orange are definitely up there, but i'm pretty sure Fullmetal Jacket was his greatest masterpiece.

And!
My first debate tournament of the season is on Saturday, I'm rather excited :) I'm also rather terrified to debate against the immenent ninjas that I know will be competing. Anyhoo.

Pow Pow. (the noise a rainbow revolver makes?)
-Jules