"I Lost My Virginity To The Motherfucking Apocalypse."

I love that quote. It's from a Scott Westerfield book. Anyway, seeing as I am obviously not dead, grounded, or otherwise impaired, I shall now share the excitement of my evil master plan.

End results: 9 rules broken, 6 funny pictures, 2 creepsters following me down 16th street, and 1 V-Card termintation. Oh yes. It was an interesting night.

So I planned all of this out in my head on Tuesday night as sort of a Mission: Make life interesting. Basically the master plan was to sleep over at Mwb's in Denver then, the next day, go directly to Boulder to hang out with buds because it's Veteran's Day, and it's stupid that my district is the only one in the state to have school that day, so I just didn't want to go.

So it all went down like this:

Last night, I escaped from my house around 5 by lying to my parents, (1: Don't lie to your parents, especially about a 'friend' who urgently needs 'help') and caught the bus to Boulder with only a few dollars in my bag and no intention of coming home. I was getting seriously adrenanline-rushed by the time I got to Boulder. From there I caught the bus to Denver.

Then, because Mwb couldn't meet me at the bus station, I had to walk down the entirety of the 16th Street Mall, getting cat-called and wolf-whistled at the whole way, and ironically, loving it, so I kept flipping my hair in the wind cuz it brought on more noise (2:Don't egg on potential rapists). Enter Creepster #1, who said "Hey girl, you pretty. I like yo' hair, blondie. Girl get yo' fine ass over here." followed after a block or so by Creepster #2, who kissed at me like I was a puppy, then said "Mm, mmm mamacita. Do you drive? Hey blondie, don't be a hater. Girl keep walkin so I can watch you move." Disgusting.

So after taking yet another bus, I finally arrive in Mwb's neighborhood, where he meets me and we walk to his house. We chilled and talked and he found a balloon and sucked the helium out and sang to me, and it was funny. Then came the vodka and lemonade, which was surprisingly yummy (3: No underage drinking!), and more talking. We smoked some tea out of a pipe, which was also surprisingly yummy (4: Never smoke things out of a marijuana pipe, whether they are legal or not.) We talked about such random stuff, like zombies and guitars and French people.

And then came the makeing out, and I whispered something incredibly cheesy along the lines of "Take me, I'm yours" (5: Cheesy lines like that should only be spoken jokingly, and by boys.) . And then came the sex, which was pretty glorious, I must say (6: No sex! At all! Ever! Until you're at least 35!).

Later on, we went on a late-night 7-11 adventure (7: No going out after curfew, little missy.) to buy energy drinks and these spicy Mexican chips. When we got back, we watched 'Scott Pilgrim vs The World', or rather he did, because I fell asleep during the first five minutes, and later moved to his bed where I proceeded to sleep like a drunken baby.

In the morning, I was woken up by his cats. They're cute though, so I didn't mind. Later on he woke up and walked me to the bus stop, and I peaced out. I texted people and made fun of them for being in class (8: No playing hookie, only delinquents and anarchists do that.) The bus back to Boulder was funny, because I spent the entire time listening to an Asian man describe his love for Martha Stewart to his buddy.

Once in Boulder, I met up with my buds and went on an epic Jew-themed photo scavenger hunt on Pearl Street. Ah, the cupcakes and guys chasing pigeons and molesting statues and wearing funny hats and making constant "that's what she said jokes" (9: Don't cause public disturbances, however hilarious, with Jewish boys in Boulder.). We photographed people doing yoga in the middle of the street.

After eating some super amazing pizza, I caught a bus back to Hicktown, where I walked in the door, and my parents never suspected a thing.

MISSION MAKE LIFE INTERESTING: SUCCESS!

I know, I have done the unthinkable, an innocent 15 year old girl lying to her parents, losing her virginity to an older boy, skipping school, and not feeling one bit of shame about the whole thing. But hey, I needed a trip to the wild side.

My day has been the stuff of legend, comparible to the works of Ferris Bueller. This is one of those 'God must have been on your side, because there's no way it actually worked' type of instances. I'm unabashedly proud of myself for being able to pull this off without getting arrested, killed, or even yelled at by my parents. And on a school night, no less.

Hah! (the sound triumph over monotony makes)

Julia