Trouble Trouble Trouble

Oh God, I am in so much trouble. Like, words cannot even describe how gleefully terrified I am right now.

Short version:
I kissed Fsb. And it was great. And now I don't know if I should try to keep it from Wsb or not.

Long version:
You have to know that Fsb and I have a history completely separate of all the recent events. I met him about a year ago with some friends on Pearl, and we all spent the day chilling. We've been in random contact for all the time since, and despite him being massively involved with his (now ex) girlfriend, we've been always been mildly flirtacious with each other. So this is not completely coming from the vengeful place where you think it might be coming from.

We decided to hang out tonight, and it was completely friendly. We walked around old town (which is the part of town where all the houses are old as fuck and the streets are windy and badly lit) and talked pretty thoroughly about the Wsb situation.

Fsb's main issue is not the fact the his girlfriend cheated, it was that she cheated with his former best friend, and that his former best friend let it happen, which I think is a very understandable platform to have on the matter. My main issue was that Wsb essentially led me on, then acted as if he did absolutely nothing wrong (which although he technically didn't, he totally did). He made me think I had a chance, but I just turned out to be convenient.

So there we were, Fsb and I, chilling in the playground at the back of a Catholic elementary school, when Fsb straight up asks me if I want to hook up. Initially, I said no, knowing that he had vengeful motives. The dude can be ridiculously manipulative, vindictive, and scheming. I asked him seriously if things were done between he and his ex (because they've been on again/off again for forever, and I didn't want to be a rebound in the middle of an off again period) and if he was only asking to get back at Wsb.

He told me that he and his ex were done. History. And I not quite believed him, but he sounded pretty serious. He then told me that it wasn't only to get back at Wsb, but that he'd had a small thing for me since we met. And then he leaned in... and I pushed him away again, telling him that the timing was terrible and I felt like his tool of vengeance, not his conquest.
He laughed and began to back off, and then I kissed him.

And God, did it feel good.

After 3 weeks of the same, it was nice to feel someone new, with new tricks and new traits. And I knew that I felt just as vengeful as he did, and that the fact that he had his hand up my shirt in the playground of a Catholic school just made the whole situation that much more evil-feeling. And with all the spite and vengeance raging inside me, I felt really good for the first time all week.

Afterwards, he was talking about how he hoped I would tell Wsb and that he wanted to watch the drama unfold. He wanted to know that his vengeance had been wrought. He told me that I should tell Wsb about it, just to watch the shit blow up.

Here's the issue: I'm really not that angry at Wsb anymore. It's more just pity and disgust, and I see no reason for more hurt to happen in this situation. And I don't know wether to tell Wsb or not if he asks about the bruises on my neck. I'm a truly vindictive bitch, but I cannot forget the amazing 3 weeks that I had prior to the situation.

I don't know what I think of Wsb. One morning, I woke up in love with him, actually crying because I knew he'd be leaving soon and I didn't know how to say goodbye. By the end of that day, I never wanted to speak to him, let alone see his face again.

And now I've kissed Fsb, and I have the power to completely betray Wsb in return for his betrayal of me, the question is, will I use it? Will I knowingly hurt the boy that I was so enamored of? If I do, where will that put me on the hypocrisy scale? Where will I stand with Fsb?


Good God, I'm in trouble.
Julia