In order to move onward and find the bright side, I must first air-out my frustrations and let out my resentment. So here, in one large rant, I am going to complain a lot, and once it's over, I will firmly embrace a positive attitude, adjust to my new circumstances, and stop being such a Debbie Downer. So here they are, my feelings:
Being faced with rejection, crushing disappointment, and the fact that you are not and likely never will be good enough for the school of your dreams the day before your spring break begins is kind of the worst timing ever. Thanks, Ivy League, now I get an entire week to rot in my sorrows and think about how much all of my hard work, stress, and countless all-nighters have been for nothing. Nothing makes your life feel pointless like getting rejected and/or waitlisted from every school who interviewed you.
However, having your childhood dreams shattered into billions of tiny pieces can have a few benefits. Benefit number one is that I have been forced to completely reevaluate every aspect of my life, and have learned that not only am I a complete and utter academic failure, but that many of my other goals are lofty and unachievable. So I've pretty much stopped trying to do anything worthwhile or impressive. Thanks, Ivy League!
Benefit number two is that now I get to go to school in the lovely city of Cleveland, Ohio. Lake-effect blizzards, horrendous internal economy, and one of the highest metropolitan poverty rates in the country, here I come! I always knew I'd be alone in a big city when I went to college, I just never thought it'd still be in the midwest. Which is totally fine, because it's not like the idea of applying to all the big name schools was to get the fuck out of the midwest. Not like I was trying to find a better life through a prestigious school. Nothing like that at all. (Except completely like that)
Benefit number three is that I am now heavily considering joining the military or a hippy commune or something. You know, why even go to school at all if I can't get the education I wanted? Why try at all since I obviously cannot be the best, the brightest, or even the dominant personality anymore? What the fuck is the point? How do I matter at all?
I know that it's a blessing to get a college education at all. I know that some people would shit their pants if they could even go to CU. I know that the school I am going to is in the top ten schools in the nation for science and research, and yet, I just don't care. I don't care that I am privileged, I feel like my entire life has just been flushed down the toilet and it's no one's fault but mine.
Maybe if I hadn't volunteered so much or gotten a job or moved out and been so independent, maybe then I could have devoted more time to studying and stuff and I could have had flawless grades and SAT/ACT scores. Maybe if I was just richer, I could have had to not worry about the job and the independence and could have focused on becoming appealing to the Ivies.
I mean, they interviewed me. They all came to me, they all acted like they wanted me, and then they all put me on the waitlists or just said no. What. The. Fuck.
The best part is, it's my fault for not applying to more schools. I was so confident that someone big would accept me, I didn't think to apply to anywhere slightly smaller, so now I'm stuck.
UGH.
Ok, done.
Julia
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