Minor Victory

Last night, I was laying on Technicolor Boy's couch with a heated rice pad thing on my tummy (because my busted-up ovary was hurting) while waiting for him to get home from work. His cat was entertaining itself with the hood string of one of my favorite hoodies and I was reading news articles on my phone.

He came bursting through the front door with a whole crew of his buddies from work. As he was introducing me to them, one of them asked if I was his girlfriend. He replied "Yeah."

HE SAID IT. HE SAID IT OUT LOUD, IN FRONT OF MULTIPLE FRIENDS.
*win*

I asked him about it this morning while I was taking him to class, and he tried to play it off as "oh, it was just a simpler explanation blah blah blah I don't like emotional tie-downs because they always end badly blah blah" Mhmm. Because eight months of monogamy and rampant codependency are TOTALLY NOT indicative of an emotional commitment. Oh honey.

He is absolutely emotionally invested in me, as I am in him, regardless of his denial. Whenever thing end, be it when I move across the country (hopefully) for college or before or even after that, it is going to suck horribly for the both of us. That's just inevitable. We crossed the emotional-involvement line around month number two.  He's been gradually getting more and more fucked ever since, especially because of all of the things that we have helped each other to get through (my miscarriage, his family stuff, etc) Plus, there's that whole "I love you" thing. You don't just say that to a girl you're fucking for funsies, especially not once an hour. And I'd like to take a moment to remind you that he said it first, and I didn't say it back until he had said it a few times. SO THERE.

I could say all these things to him, but I think he knows and is just trying to guard his feelings by not admitting everything to himself. If I say it, then it becomes a tangible problem and he may impulsively dump me or something as a knee-jerk reaction/attempt to keep his heart from being damaged, because boys are stupid like that, so I'll just keep my mouth shut.

I mean, I realize that his last relationship was extremely emotional and ended badly and left him really heartbroken, but so did mine. So has everyone's. Losing the person that you thought would love you forever sucks! But letting the fear of being hurt stop you from being happy, maybe even happier, with someone else? That's such a pussy move. 

Sigh sigh digress digress.
I'm happy where we are, even if it does annoy me that he is still in denial about it. He'll either come around or realize things when I'm gone; either way, he'll have to face it sooner or later.

BUT. He called me his girlfriend in front of his friends. He's never done that before. So, I'll take this minor victory and let him grow into it.



Julia