So, I found a letter that I wrote to Mwb (but never sent) in August, right at the height of our shit, and I reread it, and it's actually quite good in my opinion, so I thought I'd share.
Dear Manwhoreboy,
Well it’s been a wild little ride we’ve had, hasn’t it? Over the course of about a month, you’ve put me on a roller-coaster ride to Hell. You’re giving me emotional whiplash with all your bullshit. Maybe it’s a maturity thing, maybe it’s the fact that your male instincts are out of control, and maybe it’s just fucked up because you can’t commit to anything. I don’t know.
So I’m going to tell our story, all the way through. I’ll start from the beginning, all the way in June of last year. We met at acting camp, and that single week was pretty awesome. We flirted in our little, immature ways, and low and behold, on the last day of camp you asked me out. But at that time in my life, I couldn’t take relationships seriously, so I lied to you, picked and escalated a fight, and basically engineered a breakup.
After a period of not talking, you texted me out of the blue. We sort of had a thing going on for a while over the phone, but that didn’t last because right around that time I got a real boyfriend. Also right around that time is when I think you lost your virginity, because conversations with you began to change.
Summer rolls around, and we start talking again. I find out you’re doing the acting camp again, so I sign up so I can see you again. Yes, I did the camp for you. I straightened my hair religiously and wore cute outfits all week just for you. We flirted and texted constantly and more intensely during that week, and I thought everything I did for you had been worth it.
Until your girlfriend showed up for the final performance.
It was that final performance that showed me how great of actors we truly were. You acted as if nothing was different, in fact I don’t even think you realized how much I honestly wanted to brand the word “Manwhore” across your forehead. I gave a stunningly good performance, acting as if nothing were wrong and even being able to be funny on stage. But inside, I was fucking livid. How dare you not even mention this girl who you had obviously been in a deep, long-lasting relationship with. Not only were you screwing with my head, but you were screwing with hers too.
Then, not too long after that, you text me, telling me you’re going to dump this girl. Well, not only did you emotionally cheat on your girl with me, but you didn’t even have the courtesy to wait after you dumped her. You wanted to date me immediately after her. I saw those Facebook pictures of you two though, it was obvious you two were basically Nick and Norah. It was surprising and unbelievable to me that you’d throw away a relationship like that like it was nothing.
After a little, you convinced me you were single enough for me to consider liking you again. And I did. I really, really liked you. You charmed me in that way you do, and we had a few dates. On the best one, we shared an extremely passionate kiss in the middle of the bus station. It was beyond memorable, and is on the the list of top 5 kisses I've ever had.
But, seeing as I haven’t seen you in person in a while, and now every time we talk it’s boring, I’m sobering up. I’m seeing you for you again. I know all you really want with me is sex, and I think what you’re doing is a very cunning, planned out way of getting it. I applaud your patience with the matter, seeing as you’ve never been one to “take things slow”.
Maybe it is a maturity thing, what with you having oh so much more life experience than I’ve had. I’m trying to be mature for my age, I really am, but if you want to be with me, you’re just going to have to deal with my random and erratic tendencies and child-like moments. Sorry dude, it’s just the way I am, me being so ‘innocent’ and all. I think you’re not used to that.
But, ultimately, the deal-breaker here is trust. I can’t trust you. The whole acting camp/girlfriend thing basically shattered any trust I had for you. Because if we did end up together, I know at some point I would be in her position, and no one wants to be cheated on. Plus, your afore-mentioned inability to keep it in your pants means you’ve probably been getting action on the side of whatever we have since the beginning. It would definitely explain how “respectful” you are of me. I mean we’ve never been official, so it’s not technically cheating right? Being unfaithful requires faith to be there in the first place.
The thing is, you can’t trust me either, because you have trust issues of your own.
So here’s where we stand: I like you, despite all of your shit. I will probably always like you, and in my heart there will always be a little spot just for you. However, you disgust me. Your behavior is ridiculous to me. And since summer’s coming to end, I think it’s time that our little summer fling did too. It’s becoming clear that we’re just not meant to get serious, and serious is what I need right now.
I know we’ll stay in touch, we always do. And I know you’re an amazing friend, because I’ve seen that side of you time and again. I hope we can stay buds, and who knows, maybe some time from now you will get me into bed. But our time is not now, so peace out.
Always Yours,
Whether I like it or not,
Jules
i looove this. :D
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