Dear Lucy,

Oh darling, you are ever so lucky that I am skilled in the art of holding one's tongue, because if I weren't so disciplined, I may have let slip this rather well-worded and scathing response to your comments pertaining to the touchy subject we discussed earlier this evening and your responses and reactions thereupon.

First of all, I must scorn your ability to change subjects during conversation, and congradulate you due to the fact that you managed to turn a very nice, calm dialogue into a political deliberation. Claps for you. I must further commend your complete closed-mindedness, attention-seeking tactics, and frank fear of any perspective that offers an opposition to what was told to you in church. Nice.

But honey, I have to say, what really blew me away is that you thought it would be a good idea to bring up the subject of abortion during a conversation with me. You should know better! Yes Lucy, you should know not to bring up volatile political topics when speaking to the most opinionated liberal in the state. It's a self-preservation instinct, babe.

Luckily for you, I'm sick and not particularly inclined to wage verbal warfare upon your sorry, prude ass. However, my darling Lucy, the next time you speak so ignorantly about a subject that is wholly relevant to you, yes you, I will not be so merciful. In fact, if you ever take a stance based upon such shallow bases as you did tonight, not only will I unleash upon you the full extent of my ability to beat you down verbally, but I will flourish at the occasion, and will continue to do so until your run crying to whoever you tend to run and cry to.

Please note that I am generally more modest about my argumentative abilities, and not so bitchy. It's just that your complete stupidity awakened in me the need to kill a small animal-- a category that your demeanor leads me to believe that you fall into. I'm simply being honest, little Lucy. Also note: You have been warned.


Yours ever so tenderly,
Julia