I Wish Facebook Had A Mute Button

Today, I woke up to 9 inches of snow on the ground and it was still coming down hard. Did my school district give us a snow day? Nah, they save those for when there's only 3 inches on the ground and the roads are fine. Because that's logical.

Anyway, I'm driving to school, through this blizzard, and I hit a patch of ice on the highway going 50mph. I fishtailed and skidded across 2 lanes of traffic and into a snow drift. Did I call my daddy to come rescue me? Hell no. I shakily climbed out, dug the front of my car out of the snow with my hands, and continued on my merry way.

Then I get to school to find that the power has gone out. You'd think at this point that they'd send us home, but do they? Nope. The administration has us stay in our freezing classrooms and do nothing (with the power out, it was really difficult to do anything, because test-taking is hard when you can't read your paper) for 8 hours.

The had to serve cold sandwiches for lunch because there was no power in the kitchens. Why did we not get sent home? Why did they decide to have us spend a full day being wholly unproductive and uncomfortable? Because they are idiots, every one.

Sorry, rant over. Point is, during this day of rampant stupidity, I spent a lot of time perusing Facebook on my phone because 3G was the only thing that was keeping me from going insane. Whilst exploring the magical realm of social networking, I discovered that there are 6 types of Facebook statuses which I absolutely despise.

Here they are:

1) Words of Wisdom Status -- I vastly dislike these statuses because more often than not, they were stolen from shitty pictures on Tumblr or from even shittier Myspace icons. It saddens me that the people who post them genuinely feel like they are doing the rest of the world a favor by posting. These 'words of wisdom' are not as clever as you think, so kindly shut up. Worst of all, they usually contain misplaced commas, which drive me nuts. I know I'm sometimes a culprit, but not that blatantly!!

2) Ghetto Fabulous Status -- if uR statUs iz wr1tt3n lyke dis <333, then you need to do us all a favor and shoot yourself in the face. Holy God. Scrolling down my news feed and having to decode this foreign language of horribly misspelled words and random capitalization just gives me a headache. You are not cool. You are not cutting edge, fab, sexii, or whatever the fuck you just said. Learn to spell.

3) Repost This Status -- I don't care how touching or tragic a story it is. I don't care what it spreads awareness for. I don't want to rate your sex appeal on a scale of 1-10. I don't care if it says that your crush will text you tonight, your mother will die horribly within the next 12 hours, or your true love will kiss you on Friday. I don't care if at the very end, it dares me to repost. I will not repost. These are like those bad chain emails from back in the day. I refuse to spread this retardation any further.

4) Like This Status -- I swear to God, if I see another one of these, I am unfriending whoever posts it. All this 'like for a to-be-honest' and 'like for a rating' and 'like to suck my dick' just GAHHHH STOP IT. So obnoxious. I will not press that like button, you attention whore with no social life you.

5) Meant For Only 1 Person Status -- This was why messaging is a feature on Facebook. Even writing on someone's wall. Shit, you can tag people for anything now. These are usually romantic in nature and the never include a name, but always 'you'. God these are annoying. "I'm so done with you." "My heart is not your dick, stop playing with it" "if you have shit with me, say it to my face! you know who you are" Good Lord people. There is no need to write your bitter/heartbroken message to whoever was smart enough to dump you for all the world to see.

6) Lunch Status -- I do not care what you are eating right now. Really, I don't.

Rawrrrr. The saddest part is that I spent soooo much time on Facebook today because I literally had nothing else to do at school. Why is my life like this??
Why?

Julia