You, Me, Everybody

There's no rehearsal today... I'm home early and I don't know what to do with myself.
I even drove to the Boulder library to drop off books, past the high school I'm thinking of switching to at the semester break, and took the long way home. I'm still lost without rehearsal.

On the bright side, my nails are a lovely shade of plum and there should be a new episode of House coming out soon.

This week is going to be very low-key, and basically the only day that will matter is Friday. Friday night, there is a massive Halloween rave going down, and I'm going in a huge group. I have an adorable belly dancer costume that I'll be rocking (pics later) and we're all going to be rolling our balls off.

For me, it'll be the first time really rolling since the Alice in Wonderland rave, so I'm rather stoked.

In other news, at 'work' I've been promoted to Cadet 2nd Lieutenant, which is kinda of a big deal. Now that I'm a cadet officer, I'll be eligible for tons of national activities and scholarships.

It's funny to think that on the one hand, I'm this upstanding moral kid, and on the other, there's a line of molly ready to be railed.

I've realized just how good I am being several people at once. I remember Fsb once remarked that I am so many different things to so many different people, and I guess he was right. I'm not that hard to figure out, but there's a lot to dig through t get to who I really am.

There's school Julia, who works hard, takes AP, has A's in everything but Precalc (it's always math..), is a lead in the school musical, is known as a sharp kiddo by all of her teachers, and who competes pretty religiously in speech and debate.

There's 'work' Julia, who is a military-minded, disciplined leader who has a surprising amount of expertise when it comes to space and airplanes.

There's party Julia, who is loud, does drugs and drinks, has casual sex, raves, and who is very experienced in the ways of the partier.

There's family-time Julia, who on the rare occasions that she makes an appearance, is religiously devout and tries really hard to be nice and loving to those whom she is related to.

An then there's all-alone Julia, who is quietly vicious, randomly artistic, obsessed with make up, but mostly lost because she is so used to maintaining a facade that she's not quite sure how to act when she's not around anyone else.

When little bits of me bleed into each other, like when someone wants to know what a drug is at school, I sometimes run into the issue of people wondering how I know what I know. A lot of people have put their trust in me, and I don't know how they'd react if they knew there were entire sections of my life that I keep hidden away (which I'm not ashamed of at all, by the way)

I'm perfectly content with keeping the different aspects of my life separated. I'd rather be the straight A student who parties on the side than the party kid who no one expects to do well in school.

I guess my whole guiding light philosophy is that I like to have my cake and eat it too. I like to be able to do everything without having to sacrifice anything. For the most part, this usually works out, and I can keep my grades up, promote at work, and still have fun on the weekends. Sometimes, things become too close for comfort (like when I ended up taking the PSAT drunk)

I don't care. I like the way I choose to live. Putting on the appropriate mask for the moment is just what I do. It's not fake, because my feelings regarding each situation are always genuine, it's more like selectiveness. I'm not a different person in school and out of school, I just showcase different sides of my personality.

I'm still one person, but depending on the situation, you may or may not see the whole person.

Is that wrong?
Jules