Emotional Barf

What the fuck is wrong with me today?
Besides the usual waking-up-late-due-to-incredible-insomnia and likely-seasonal-depression and holy-fucking-shit-I-hate-my-AP-classes stress.

Like, there's more than that. I've just been all over the place today. Like super up and then super down and what's even worse is I've been opening up about my emotional shit to people. Namely, Plb. (nice.) Hella awk-sauce for him, dear God, why did I tell him I've been feeling so shitty lately?

And then, in Lang, I was flirting, like shamelessly, and I kept touching his arm. Looking back, it was super weird of me to do and now he probably thinks I'm an overly touchy emotional basket case. Lovely. (Who am I kidding? Right now, I AM an emotional basket case)

In other news, Shpongle hasn't texted me once today. Am I getting boring to him? I can't be getting boring to him, he's cute! FUCK!
But Mwb has texted me like 8 times and I keep not answering because I kind of never want to to speak to or see him ever again in my life.

God, I hate that Valentine's day is everywhere! It's haunting me and fucking with my brain. I don't need a boy!! But I like one or two of them. This is not the problem. The problem is that I want them to like me back. This is an issue.

No, the problem is that I've eaten like 1500 calories today. What the hell is wrong with me? Why would I do that to my body? That's like, 800 more than usual. I'm practically exploding.

I think this is because I haven't had a single cigarette today, which is also a problem. My dad knows I smoke now, which is weird, because I know he disapproves, but he's not doing anything to stop me. As if he could stop me anyway.. Even more sketchy is the fact that one of my teachers at GHS knows I smoke. I've never had a teacher with such an intimate knowledge of my delinquency before, it makes me uncomfortable.

Of course, this is the same teacher for my least-favorite class at GHS, the dreaded seminar class. Seminar is basically career exploration plus college prep plus random 'meaningful' projects and stuff that are supposed to help us explore ourselves. We do a lot of self-evaluations and stuff, and it's all very Kumbaya-let's-hold-hands-and-talk-about-our-feelings which is very much NOT what I look for in a class. But it's a requirement, so whatever. Although, today, when I could have been meeting with the government teacher about an independent study, I wasn't allowed to leave seminar and instead spent that time watching my fellow classmates trying to do stupid task like stacking golf balls and blow a stack of cards off the top of a water bottle.

I mean, seriously? What is the point of that? Why was I forced to participate in pointless toddler party games instead of furthering my academic career? I hate having my time wasted! And now I get my entire 4th block wasted almost completely every day by this stupid, monotonous, meaningless class.

Gah.

On the bright side, my nails are purple. Also, my friend took a picture of me today and I looked really skinny.
Little victories.

I think I'm going to go to the gym to work off some of this pent-up emotional khsdkjshdf. Seriously, it's just a bunch of lksdhf;kadngbi',sd going on in my brain right now.

I think I'll feel better after I run a few miles or something.
Julia