Dread

I dread tomorrow. The 14 hours at school, the math test my life hinges on, the 3 hour cheer practice to learn choreography for a dance I won't even be doing (because I'm quitting soon, honest), then being benched at probably the last vollyball game I'd ever get to cheer for.

I dread Thursday. The homecoming assembly I may or may not dance in, the last day to turn in any school work before quarter grades, and more cheer practice.

I dread Saturday. The homecoming game, if I get to cheer for it, will be the last football game I ever cheer at. The team is doing a dance at half-time, I may or may not be participating. The dance, which I will have fun at regardless, will be bittersweet and I'll probably be exhausted before I even arrive. I'll be going without my boyfriend, but with my best friend.

I dread Monday. The day I quit. The day I give my cute little uniform back and face my coach, my team, and my captains and tell them "Fuck you, you ruined something I loved. I don't care if anyone follows me out, but I'm setting myself free."

I dread Tuesday. The dirty looks from the girls on the team every time they pass me in the halls, the friends asking me "Why? How could you?", the rumors flying, the fact that everyone will know whether I like it or not.

I dread Friday. The game that I won't be going to. The cheerleaders in their uniforms at school, and me in regular clothing.

I don't dread Saturday, the day when I realize the extent of my freedom, the world will have officially moved on, and the grieving will stop.

Life will get good again, here's hoping.