My Ideal Boyfriend

Yep, Christopher, I stole the idea from you! Muahahaha. But reading your post really got me thinking...

Who is my ideal babymaker?

Well folks, here it is, a slightly less extensive, less picky list of traits that my ideal boyfriend would have (just kidding, it's both extensive and picky)

1) Must be taller than me. Because if he isn't, he's probably 9.

2) He's got to be able to dress himself, and do it well. If at least half of his wardrobe is from Urban Outfitters, Pac Sun, and/or American Apparell, he's perfect.

3) Cold and heartless. I'm not kidding, if he shows any sign of sensitivity he's out.

4) Dark hair. It can't be blonde. Nor ginger. I've had bad luck with gingers... And dear God, it's got to be soft. If his hair is fried or unkempt, ain't no way I'm running my hands through it when we're kissing.

5) It'd be nice if he was clean-shaven. I mean stubble can be sexy, but hobo beards most certainly are not!

6) If he likes any of the following musical artists, he's out:
-Katy Perry
-Jordin Sparks
_Chris Brown
-Bruno Mars
-Swizz Beats
-NWA

7) Must like at least 4 bands that I have not heard of. A true indie-loving boy loves bands no one even knew exsisted. Spearmint and Galactic don't count!

8) He's got to get movie refferences from 1940. Because I make refferences to movies that came out in 1940... And he has to appreciate Charlie Chaplin, even though he's not from 1940.

9) He's got to have pretty eyes. I'm not too picky about the color, but his eyes have to be beautiful and bright. Like a baby. Except he can't be a baby.

10) He's got to have some form of musclecature. Not super ripped, cuz that's a tad frightening, but some nice toned arms and visible abs would be nice.

11) He must posess the ability to swing dance.

12) I'd appreciate it if he were Jewish, but did not aspire to be a doctor or a lawyer. If he's Jewish he should speak Hebrew too!

13) Can't be a stupid drunk. I don't want a guy who turns into a frat boy the second he shoots vodka. Or who gets slopppy and gross and overly horny. Ew.

14) Tolerant boy. Of every sexuality, race, religion, and intelligence level. This excludes republicans.

15) From a big city, like NYC or New Orleans. Hicktown boys are so boring.

16) He's got to have a job or some other form of legitimate cash income. If he can't pay for stuff, afford gas, or freeloads constantly, he's out.

17) He has to know when I need a hug, because I'm never openly hurt, so he's got to be able to pick up on secret 'hug me' vibes.

18) Play an instrument or be able to sing reeeeeeally well, and serenade me spontaneously and often.

19) Has to have a unique and non-typical-American-sounding name, like Felix. Or Harry Potter.

20) If he were British that's be awesome, cuz then we could have little Brit babies who'd grow up with little British accents. Dawwww!

21) Can't be paler than me. No really.

22) He has to have an awkward sense of humor and be able to appreciate weird, up-and-coming comedians. Also, he must like political humor.

23) He's got to be able to hold his own in a conversation with me, and that can be difficult, because half the time I speak eloquently and discuss philosophers and scientific theories, and half the time I sound like a stoned teenager, and discuss stupid teenager stuff.

24) Must like foreign films as much as I do!!

25) Has to read dilligently and be able to suggest good books to me. Also, must enjoy hanging out in bookstores and coffee shops.

26) Can't own leather pants.

27) Absolutely fantastic in bed. Not kidding.

28) Has to have an undying love of burritos. And sushi. And he can't. be. vegetarian.

29) Have slightly homosexual tendencies. Ok, I really am kidding.


So yeah, I guess I'm slightly less picky about my guys... but not by much. I mean, if I met a dude who had maybe half of things on the list covered, I might give it a shot, but there are a few items on here that are non-negotiable. Such as numbers 3, 11, and 28.

Ok, Ex is vegetarian...BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT!

Hope you all had a lovely day-after- Jesus Day. I went shopping with Cassi. I bought a rather dashing purple pea coat which I am currently in love with. We had the most amazing burgers ever, got creeped on by several men including one who bent down and stared at us scarily as he asked us for spare change. We decided that the bus driver on the way back to Hicktown was a super hero, due to his muscly-ness and sick tattoos. Successful day :)


Clackity Clack (the sound high-heels make on tiled floors)
Julia