Anorexia

I am 16 years old.
I am 5 feet tall.
I weigh 93 lbs.
My waist is 24 inches around.
This is the way I am.

It's always been this way; I've always been small and skinny. I eat normally [for a stressed out student] and hardly work out because I never have time. I calorie count sometimes, but it's just when I need to balance out what I've been eating because I feel shitty, not because I need to obsessively measure my caloric intake and keep it below an impossibly low number. I NEVER intentionally lose weight [Not counting raves, because I tend to lose 2-5 lbs per rave from dancing for 6 hours straight and not eating because of the drugs]

Aside from the usual self-consciousness that every girl my age feels, I think I have a great body.
Ok, I feel like I have an acceptable body, and I'm massively self-consious about it, but I'm working on that. I'm starting to gain confidence, little by little, and the only improvement that I could possibly make would be to have more muscle tone. Big deal, I have body issues. Who doesn't?

Recently, though, I've been feeling better about myself and I'm finally feeling like I can really rock those slutty rave outfits.

But I just CAN'T WIN.

I was walking down the hall at GHS today and some hippo-sized girl and her morbidly obese mother [who was at the school for some reason] were loudly talking smack about me not even 10 feet behind me. It started with some sarcastic sounding laughing and a snort, then:
"Look at that, she needs a sandwich."
"Ew, yeah, does she eat at all?"
More laughing, then some whispering.
"Yuck."
"Not cute, at all."
"Anorexic little--"
And that's when I turned around.

I tried to remain polite, I really did, but I just couldn't stop myself.
"You both are pathetic and look disgusting. I heard the shit you were saying, and you know what? Some of us have self control,"
I gave the woman a quick up-and-down.
"But then again, obviously, some of us don't..."
I smirked and slipped into the classroom that I was walking towards.

I'm pretty used to people joking around and telling me that I need to put some meat on my bones, but when someone attacks me for simply being skinny behind my back? That shit don't fly.

So to anyone who is wondering, no, I am not, nor have I ever been anorexic. I have not been bulimic, either. I do not having any kind of eating disorder. I have tried, in desperate times, to starve myself. I can't do it. I love food way too much, and when I stop and think, I realize how stupid I'm being and eat that extra cupcake or get that extra bacon on my burger. I can see the appeal of anorexia, but in actuality, anorexia is not the answer to self-hatred. It's never the answer and never should be.

Admittedly, sometimes I just don't eat, but it's not because I hate myself and want to punish myself and become skinnier, it's because sometimes, I'M JUST NOT HUNGRY. I don't feel an intense need to stuff my face every few hours. Don't get me wrong, my love for burritos is unparalleled, but sometimes, my stomach's like "Gurrrrl, I am so not in the mood!" and I listen!!

I am so done with everyone judging the way I look.
"You're chubby!"
"You're a twig!"
"You need abs!"
"Women should have soft curves!"
"You need some tits."
"You need an ass."
Are you fucking kidding me?

My body is FINE.
Every day, I believe that statement more and more.

My body is just fucking fine.
Why am I the only one that sees it?
Julia