It is no secret that I tend to be very unsympathetic when it comes to my treatment of people. I can be a reliable crying shoulder if I need to be, but I'll feel no guilt at all telling you to shut the fuck up, even when you're crying, if I feel that you're not genuinely upset.
Shypartyboy (Spb, he's from a while ago) texted me the other night. He was all sad and feeling sorry for himself and started unloading his problems on me. I had learned only hours earlier that a good buddy of mine from out of state had died in a fatal car crash, but I would be unable to attend her funeral because of the distance, so I was already pissed off to begin with. [at this point, after losing so many friends in the past few years, I can no longer mourn like a normal a human, I just get angry]
So Spb's texting me, telling me how he's so unhappy all the time. I think , hey, maybe I can cheer him up a tad.
I ask him what he's trying to do about it and if he's doing anything to fix it and he says that there's nothing he can do. Bullshit. There's always something you can do. If you're unhappy with your situation, it's no one's fault but your own; the blame CANNOT be shared for your own choice to unhappy. Happiness is not circumstantial, ever.
I tell him this.
He continues throwing his little pity party. This is the turning point of the conversation for me; I don't know what happened, but something just went 'snap' in my brain.
I chewed him out. I told him that he was being a self-pitying, defeatist, pathetic little pussy and that if he wasn't going to do anything about his situation [which, for the record, was nothing compared to the shit that I along the family of my late friends was going through at the time] then he could shut his mouth and get the hell out of my life, because I had more important things to deal with than his depression.
He was very offended and said that he'd expected me to be a good friend and cheer him up. I said I was being a good friend.
I was. I'd rather knock him on his ass and make an impact than be one of 389837498267 people who are all telling him "It'll get better, you're a great guy, you've got tons of stuff going for you, it's not your fault that your life isn't the greatest" because it won't, he's not, he doesn't, and it IS.
It would have been so easy to simply send him a few reassuring messages and be done with it, but in that moment, the difference between the right thing and the easy thing was more tangible to me than it had ever been before and I chose to do the RIGHT thing for once.
And now I'm letting one of my friends live with me for a little while because she's in actual bad situation at home. I'm already starting to get annoyed and tense because I HATE sharing my personal time and space, but I'm gritting my teeth and remaining calm because I know it's the right thing to do. Plus, she's actually trying to change her life, not just let the shit keep piling on.
With Psb, it boggled my mind that someone so able could allow himself to remain static and watch his life get worse and worse. He had the option and opportunity to change things, and they keep comign, but it's no one's fault buthis own that he's not capitalizing upon anything.
I cannot abide useless people.
Julia
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