Contemporary

I don't know what the song was, but it was weird and indie and half electronic, half acoustic guitar with some girl with a deep, yet breathy voice singing about stars and bad girls and video games and kissing. I wish I knew what it was called or whom the artist was. But it was turned up really loudly, and was standing there, nervous as hell, with one hand on my stomach and the other's fingers beginning to curl around my neck as I heard
"Five, six, seven, eight!"
And then I danced.

For the first time in about two years, really danced, throwing my body around, contracting my spine and extending my legs to length that I had though I had lost. My body was moving across the floor, creating fluid-like lines then sharp pictures in the air and sinking low to floor with the beat of the music. It was the best feeling in the world, one I had known before but had completely forgotten.


On a whim, I took a contemporary dance class today at a crowded studio in Boulder. I had dragged Philly along, the poor kid barely kept up, but she was a good sport. She wants to do it again, but she wants to try other classes, which I will gladly do with her.

It was a challenging class; even I was having to focus really hard on the choreography to keep up, which was the most immense feeling. Me, challenged by choreography. Me, who picks the stuff up almost instantaneously, is always the best dancer at parties, me the former ballerina kid who had a secret expertise for motion. I, repeat, I was challenged and having to focus. It had been so long.

After taking that class and feeling the joy of dance that I had lost for years due to crazy directors and over-indulgence in the art, not to mention spreading myself far too thin trying to dance 16 hours a week for a company I hated, I found love again.

It sounds so ridiculously sappy, but I love dance like I can never love a human. Dancing, you are my first and only true love. I'm sorry, baby, I missed you, but now that I have you back, I'm never letting you go.

In all honesty, I feel like my heart is full again. I feel like I never need to touch another drug again. I have found what has been missing in my life and I'm so incandescently happy.


Needless to say, I'll be going back to that studio.
Julia