Drunk Blogging

Last night was the very first night of summer. It was my duty as an American teenager to get schwasted (because that's what the kids are calling it these days) so, naturally, I fulfilled my moral obligations. But that is only half of the story.

The other half is that upon returning home, my drinking buddy fell asleep immediately before we could continue the party, but I was not ready to stop drinking, so I didn't. Then, because I was bored and had no one to talk to because my friend was asleep, I dicked around on the interwebs for a while. That process included blogging, but luckily I was smart enough to simply save my drunken musings as drafts and not publish them.

However, I have read through what I wrote and deemed it safe for sharing. Lucky you!

Post attempt #1:
Oh lawd. Tonight has been a night of shenanigans.


It is the first night of summer, so nautrally, I had to party it the fuck up. I picked up Licia and we drove to Boulder. We walked around Pearl St (aka my summer home) and made friends with some weird hippies before talking to these two frat guys who were going to a party. We just kind of followed them to this apartment (sketchy bad decision ftw) where she proceeded o get very drunk while I drank a few beer a silently judged.


It was an ok party, I suppose. There were gratuitous keg-stands (oh, college people)  and I was definitely sketched out the entire time about the cops  being called because I'm just paranoid like that. Oh well. It was fun. I made friends with a hot chick named Darby and a hotter chick named Charlotte, who left with a very drunk frat boy named Chad and probably ended up fucking him, which she will vastly regret tomorrow morning because he was not hot at all.


Anyway. It was a good time. Friends were made, beer was drunk, Lily got schwasted. I remained sober enough to drive, but upon returning home, after she passed out, I drank some vodka and cherry coke that  had in a water bottle and have since become much more intoxicated.


I tried drunk Tumblring, which was a bad idea, because I randomly searched the "ex" tag and then read through about 50 people's life stories concering their exes. I'm so cool.


anyway.
I really shouldn't be blogging in this state, I can barely read the keyboard. ugh.


Actually, maybe I should. This could be a valuable exercise in stating the truth, because after all, a drunk mouth speaks a sober mind. Shit, I'm poetic. Jk, I totally stole that off of some gif on Tumblr. I have a problem lol. Anyway.


Derpatastic.


Yay vodka?
Yay vodka!


Julia

Ok, so that was marginally cogent despite a few spelling and grammar errors. I figured out that Tumblr is basically the best thing ever when you're drunk because it is endlessly entertaining.

About an hour after the first attempt, shortly before I passed out for the night, I wrote more.

Post attempt #2 (prepare yourself)
Drunker Post, Oh sweet Jesus.


Girl, I be fucked the fuck up.
Like, damn. Dayummm.


I;m definitely to the pint where words are hard and grammar is harder.
Ugh!


Vodka is the devil. I think.... Maybe it's some saint in disguise.


I've been thinking about Technicolor Boy (let's call him Tb, like the disease) and I thin this could be going somewhere solid. idk. It;s so weird.

Yikes!
Evidently, after drinking, I like to think that I am being profound, but I negate my own ethos due to sounding like a shitty text massage.
 
SPEAKING OF WHICH, last night, in my drunken stupor, due to my urge to talk to someone, I texted my favorite Manwhoreboy. The conversation didn't get very far before I fell asleep, but that didn't stop him. This is it, word for word:

Me - Hey!
Him - hiii
Me - You fucked up?
Him - noo. why?
Me - No reason lol ;)
(Yes, I used a fucking winky face. I thought it was sexy. Anyway, at this point, I fall asleep)
Him - am tired though haha was clubing tonight with my grad class
Him - haha are you darlin? careful you gave a bf;p
Him - unnnlleessss....your single?;)
Him - you there?;p loll
Him - haha dont forrget to use a rubber babe ;p
Him - noothinn beats four shots inn the morning;D
Him - letss hook up soon k?;)

Holy God, he out-drunked me.

Let's analyze, shall we? First, there are multiple spelling errors due to the inclusion of extra letters and exclusion of proper punctuation, not to mention he used the wrong form of "you're" which makes me feel like I'm dying inside. [Side note, I feel like all boys use the wrong form of "you're" when texting. What's up with that?] Second, emoticons. After every sentence. Now, I enjoy a smiley face every now and again, but what the fuck is that winky tongue face thing with the semicolon and lowercase p? Is that supposed to be cute? Finally, I think it's rather humorous that through these messages, I can see the progression of his mind going from wanting to talk to me to assuming that I am not replying because I am having sex with someone, him wanting to have sex with me, him being jealous of that fact that I am not replying because I am likely having sex with someone, and finally going back to just wanting to have sex with me.

Oh, boys.

So, basically, it's summer now and life is fabbity fab fab as Georgia Nicolson would say. (Yes, I make references to books I read in middle school while talking about delinquent activities because irony does not apply to me) I did the AP European History test, which I hopefully didn't completely blow, and handed in my trigonometry final.

MY LIFE IS SO UNSTRESSFUL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF.

Happy summer!

Julia