Not The Family Type

I am not a family person. I don't want children. I have not been to a Thanksgiving at my own house for years. I don't want a family, ever, not even my own.

When you grow up poor and with absent parents who, when they are around, focus only on your younger sibling because she has always had the more severe medical problems,  'family' is not really a happy word for you. 'Family' means attention I will never get, double standards, and a source for money. My parents are not abusive, nor neglectful, but they are so oblivious and absent that it's really know surprise that I am such a delinquent.

This sounds fueled by resentment, and believe me, it is, but I am not exaggerating in the least.

I am a fantastic student and am a very driven, independent person because my parents never gave two shits so I was left to fend for myself from a very young age. My younger sister is past the age of being adorable and is now just a drain on my parents' money and energy, unlike myself, who has spent so many years trying to impress them that I have racked up quite a list of accomplishments. She becomes more and more self-centered and socially-retarded by the day, while I am creating a future for myself.

But do they see my effort? Do they come to any of my awards ceremonies, activities, or performances? Hell no. Especially should one of those (God forfuckingbid) be happening at the same time as something involving my little sister. I mean, they came to Les Mis, but I think that was only because my sister was in it as well.

At this point, I have started to isolate myself because it is just simpler. I can live my life and do my own thing and as long as I remain unarrested/impregnated/killed, my parents see no reason to ever pay attention to my life. The only time I ever talk to my parents is about scheduling or gas money. I mean, I pay for 90% of my own stuff anyway (including summer camps and cell phone bills) now that I can drive, I see no reason to be at home. Ever.

The only reason at all that I have not moved out yet is because I am not 18, and therefore cannot sign a lease on an apartment. When that day comes, you can bet your sweet ass that I will be out of my parents' hair for good, and hopefully as geographically far away as possible. When I can, I am leaving without a note nor any contact information. I doubt my parents will even notice.

Like I give a fuck anymore.

Seriously, my family could die in a car crash tomorrow and I wouldn't shed a single tear.

I grew up without close family ties. The whole family dinner thing is a really foreign idea to me; sitting down to eat, like, at the dining table with the other people who live in my house legitimately makes me uncomfortable. I don't talk to my parents about my problems, nor do I care to help my little sister with her's. I guess it's sad, but family just isn't that important to me. I couldn't care less that my parents brought me into this world, because their efforts effectively stopped there.

Sigh.

I suppose this explosion of resentful feelings was brought on by the fact that my parents forgot my birthday (which is in two days) and got angry when I requested cake. They will be spending that night with my sister at a conference for her school. 

I cannot wait until college.


Julia