Overloaded

I haven't done a 2 am post in a while...
The main reason I'm writing this is because I'm so stressed that I can't sleep. I'm not going to go into details about my packed schedule or the forever increasing amount of pressure put on me to be perfect and happy and organized all the time. Nahh, that shit's old news. I can deal with my hectic life, I mean, I kinda have to.

What I'm having issues dealing with is all this emotional crap that's being added on top of everything else. I usually just put any emotional crap out of mind until I can hide in my room and work it out for myself. I never cry in front of people, ever, and I never really delve into talking about personal battles with my friends. They are the ones who come to me, and I'm happy to be a therapist for them, but today I realized that if the situation were reversed, I don't think I could go to any of them for guidance.
There are very, very few people whom I trust enough to actually show my feelings in front of.

Trust issues aside, with my ridiculousy full life, I don't have time for a boyfriend right now. In fact, I honestly don't have the time or energy to like anyone right now. So why do I? Why oh why do I trouble myself with wondering if anything'll ever happen between us? I have papers to write and advanced algebra homework to do, my mind needs to quit wandering to his soft hair and grey eyes and tempting lips. I have things to do, and I really can't handle trying to balance my heart on top of everything else!

The worst is that Mwb is weaseling his way back into my life too. He's texting me and asking me to hang out and asking why I haven't texted him for a month. I tell him I've been uber busy and I'm sorry (even though I'm not) and he tells me he wants to take me to his homecoming dance, and I tell him maybe. But really, I don't have time to think about Mwb, or how great at kissing he is, or his gorgeous blue eyes, or how I feel completely secure when he hugs me, or how sweet he can be. I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING TIME.