Crying In Public

You know, I'm definitely here for anyone who needs emotional support, 24/7, regardless of whether you live next door or across the Atlantic. But not once today did anyone ask me how I was feeling. I guess everyone I was talking to just kind of assumed that I'm peachy keen because I offered to help them deal with their problems. I'm not pissed, just a little frustrated that no one's given me an opportunity to deal with my own emotional damage today.

Guess what? My friend died. And my father knew, and didn't tell me for almost a week, but then decided the best time to tell me was this morning, right after services ended. Hey dad, your timing is shit. I immediately started crying in the middle of temple and had to escape to the car because I hate crying in public. Would anyone like to know how I'm feeling today? Fuck it, I'm telling you anyway.

I'm shocked, and sad, and wrought with this feeling of gnawing emptiness, and worried about my friend's family, and I miss him, and I can't even think of him without tearing up. And I'm angry as hell that my father knew for almost an entire week and didn't have the courtesy to tell me, and embarrassed that I actually cried today for the first time in forever.

And it would have been just a little comforting to have been able to say all of this to someone in person, but no one asked, so whatever.