Which List?

Announcement: I just raved for two nights in a row because I am a motherfucking raver child and I wanted to kick off my summer right, God damn it!

I am currently exhausted. I haven't washed my hair in five days, I haven't eaten in 18 hours, I have massive dark circles under my eyes, and I smell like weed and rave.

Allow me to elaborate:
So, Friday night, I heard about a show going down in Denver, so my buddy and I went down on a whim and ended up having a solid time. The venue was cool and there were four stages and there was a moderate amount of people there.

We were both also slutted-out in extremely revealing rave attire (picture to come, of course!) and of course we were decked the fuck out in massive amounts of kandi. We raved sober because our hook for molly fell through, but it was still a grand old time. [Side note: to those who are new to my blog and have not seen my rave vocabulary video, kandi are beaded bracelets and necklaces that ravers make and trade, and molly is MDMA, which is the purest form of ecstasy that one can buy on the street. Yes, drugs.]

The only real bummer of the night was that Technicolor Boy was texting me during the show and we sort of ended up having a fight. Can't really go into detail on that one; some things should be kept even from the blogosphere. What you need to know is that we ended the night in a sort of half-apologetic stalemate.

On the bright side, my anger at the texting situation was well-channeled into my dancing. I had a lot of photographers taking pictures of my buddy and I. Sometimes, being a rave slut is so fun!

Although, there was this 27 year-old who kept hitting on me all night, even after I told him that I'm seventeen. Awks!

Moving right along to last night (Saturday), I went to another rave with Lionboy. The rave was billed as a massive with three stages and gogos from a big dance team. Now, I have been to several massives, and this show was not one of them. It was the opposite of a massive. [Side note again: raves come in three sizes; small, mid-sized, and massive. Small raves are around 50-200 people with maybe one or two stages, mid-sized is anywhere from 200-1000 with two to five stages, and massive is like Global, EDC or Ultra, with multiple thousands of people and either one huge main stage, or up to ten varied stages. All legitimate raves have gogo dancers. The show that I went to on Saturday night had about 40 people there, including security and DJs, and there were no gogos on the premises except for the girlfriend of one of the DJs] Unfortunately, we had bought our tickets ahead of time, so we said a collective "fuck it" and went in anyway.

The 'rave' was at a Mexican bar behind a McDonald's in the shitty, super sketchy part of Denver near the Colosseum and National Western Complex, which are the venues where real massives are held. The show was was tiny, no one was really dancing, and it was filled to the brim with posers.
There were about eight real ravers there, Lionboy and myself included. I say real ravers because I am talking about the kandi kids and sugar scene ragers who know how to hardstep and techtonic AND  shuffle. And we all shuffle correctly, to hardstyle, fidget, and dubstep, none of this LMFAO Party Rock Anthem shit. [Side note #3: LMFAO is not EDM. LMFAO is pop music that has stolen elements of EDM, mashed them all together underneath simple, raunchy rap lyrics, and then over hyped themselves by wearing leopard print pants and hipster sunglasses]

Anyway,  there was one DJ (A good buddy of mine, actually) who played a good set, so the eight of us ravers started a shuffle circle, (and, yes, yo' girl can shuffle in gogo boots. I am a BAMF) but that was probably the most exciting half hour of the entire night. We didn't even buy drugs in an attempt to salvage our moods. It was definitely a waste of money; very disappointing.

Lionboy and I basically called it a night at midnight, which is saying something, because raves generally go until two or four in the morning, and I like to stay till the end. But the show was a bust, so Lionboy went home and I went to go hang out with Technicolor Boy.

I showed up at his house still in my super sluttastic rave get-up because I had driven straight there, gogo boots and all. His roommates all did this collective eyebrow raise when I walked through the door. They're all mature ravers who have been in the scene for a while, and they all also happened to be tripping on acid, but they were still men, and men cannot help but check out any girl in lingeree, fishnets, and gogo boots. I looked pitifully at Technicolor Boy until he let me borrow some clothes for the night. The t-shirt he lent me smells like him. Yum.

It was nice to be able to see Technicolor Boy and to actually talk to him in person about the textual mess from the previous night. We ended up watching this weird Korean/Japanese anime series about the diplomatic history of World War II called Hetalia Axis Powers. It was seriously one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life.Very NPC, but hilarious!

Anyway, props to him for wanting to hang out with me despite my looking and smelling like a prostitute when I arrived. Raves are not exactly the cleanest, most fresh places. Especially the one from that night-- it was very grimy and sweaty.

He and I talked about our lives.

We got to talking about each others' past relationships and such. We landed upon the inevitable "how many sexual partners have you had in the past" bit, and that was when things got interesting. Now, I am going to be completely honest here: in my life, I have had sex with a total of nine people. I may have a lot of sex, but it tends to be with one partner multiple times, as opposed to vice versa.

But apparently Technicolor Boy has, in fact, done the vice versa. This got us both talking about the wonderousness of having a fuck-buddy, and then he mentioned that when it came to girls, he separates the girls he's around into two lists: The Potential/Relationship List, and the Hook Up Until Bored List.

After he mentioned these, I wanted to ask him which list I was on. I have no idea where I stand with him. If I knew, that would make shit a lot easier for me. I don't want to allow myself to get emotionally invested in someone who won't feel the same, but at the same time, I don't want to go fuck someone else and ruin any romantic potential that lies between Technicolor Boy and I.

I didn't ask him about which list I was on because I still feel like it's a little early on to ask him to define our weird, albeit cute, relationship, but it's killing me! Which list bares my name?

The answer to this question holds the key to my immediate romantic endeavors. I'd honestly be fine with either answer, as well. I'd understand and happily go along with just wanting to hook up, but I'd do the same for if he thought I had potential. The answer lies only with him. I won't know what to do until I know what his feelings are, but I don't want to fuck-up things, which seem to be going well, simply because my curiosity about his feelings is so rampant.

But I have to know. The list that my name is on will determine the future for my heart, and that is a future that I value very much!


Oh Lord.
Julia