Fuck my pretty blonde hair.
No seriously, fuck my pretty blonde hair and my make up collection and my new Forever XXI sundress and my limited edition hot pink Vans. Fuck my see-sawing weight (It's 93, no wait! It's 96. Actually it's 95. Now it's 98, she's getting porky. Oh no, down to 93 again, phew) and habit of weighing myself after every meal. Fuck all the skin serums and spot treatments I use religiously. Fuck my X5 magnification face mirror, and my full length mirror, and my compact mirror, and every reflective window I have ever walked past.
It has become very apparent to me that my life revolves around my appearance. Namely, upon improving and hiding my own physical imperfections and staying up to snuff in the wardrobe department. I put in so much work to look pretty and skinny and acne-free, and I can't even seem to do that effectively. It's very frustrating.
I mean, what the hell does the media want me to think here?! Glamour Magazine gives me advice on weight loss, skin care, and fashion, and then proceeds to tell me that I'm beautiful just the way I am, but I'm still trying to memorize the weight loss tips, so that other thing about my natural beauty just gets lost and I can only remember that Greek yogurt has fewer calories than traditional yogurt.
I'm not one to sugar coat, so I'll just be straight up: the main issue here is that I feel very ugly and I work very hard to try to not feel ugly. This feels like an uphill battle, and I'm getting mixed messages from all sides about how I look. If I was actually pretty, boys would love me instead of just fuck me, right? But then my best friend tells me I'm beautiful and complex, and that boys are stupid. It's confusing and frustrating and I'm losing faith, but I'm working harder than ever to look good now.
WHY??? Why do I do this every day?
Julia
F*ck the media, look however you want. It's the media that brings people down and makes them feel bad about themselves.
ReplyDeleteHot tip? A surprisingly high number of guys don't even think fashion models look 'hot', no joke... I can honest to God say that I do not find a crap load of models in magazines (I don't read the magazines, they're sitting on the work coffee table...*cough*) attractive - at all. They're too freaking skinny, bony, and fake. A lot of guys these days prefer a more natural look, none of this dolled-up stuff a lot of celebs do all around the place.
Don't worry too much about your appearance and trying to be something the media wants you to be and says you should be, the media is wrong. Be your own person. Trust me, you'll feel a lot better about yourself and you'll be a lot more confident about yourself and your appearance. And that's worth a lot more and does a lot more for your looks than any makeup can ever hope to.
Godspeed.
This was sad to read. I'm disgusted by the world today. I guess I'm pretty digusted by the human race too.
ReplyDeleteI think you have to ask yourself the question, What's the point of this? Why am I doing this? To be loved? I don't think that's the kind of love you're looking for, if you have to hide all of your imperfections every day in interest of finding that love. Or if you're doing it to try to fit into a world where perfection seems to be becoming the bare minimum qualification for everyone, ask yourself the question, why is it that I even want to become a part of that world? Can it give me happiness?
I can't change your mind or help you or even give you a piece of advice worth shit, but I don't think you should hesitate in sitting down and just thinking. And I don't think you should be afraid to make sacrifices, to make some serious changes, in order to let yourself be happy.
Are you doing all those things to make yourself happy? Beauty is all mental, and each person has a different definiton of what that is and once you figure out what YOU believe it is I think you'll be happy. I know this might not help you, but here are some things that I do to help keep my insecurities at bay-- I dont keep a scale in my house. Simply because I had a friend who was a 5'11 bombshell and she looked like she weighed 110 lbs, when in reality she was 145 lbs. As long as you look great, why attach a number to something? Also when trying on clothes, don't dwell on the sizes. Just grab what you think will look good on you.
ReplyDeleteAs far as guys go, there is a plethora of dirty sleaze bags out there, and no matter what, they aren't going to be monogamous anytime soon. It's not you, it's them. Here's some great advice that I got from a silly poster that actually sort of makes a lot of sense:
If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.
Sorry if I'm intruding... I was just blog surfing and felt the need to say something. :)